Recent developments in my understanding of what certain family members opinion of my "taking care" of my parents during the some 20 years that I stayed with them have caused me to rethink the way they will be considered by myself and my wife in the future.

Please don't think that some of the things I am doing, like missing my 40 year High School Reunion or saying to a perfect son,  "The Old Woman Finally Died", when referring to my mother, means just a whole lot to someone that has been discredited, spit on and incarcerated like myself.  I have managed to hold on to my honesty and some of my abilities so take care of stepping on my toes.  A small white lie to learn of a person's opinion can be corrected but unfortunately large ones usually take many years.  I am sure the Hopson family know what I mean.

Most recently one member of my family, at a gathering for a funeral of a fraternal loved one, took it upon herself to openly accuse a first cousin of sexual abusing her when she was young. It shocked everyone there. Later, out of the clear blue sky, another cousin from the maternal happened upon me one day and wanted to talk. Hee called and we met where he wanted to confess to me the abuse of two members of my family who were in a sense, not as close as those that lived nearby. Now this I believe, especially after his detail description of time and place.

I think that it has become the job of many wives, especially those who have chosen not to work to begin a campaign of accusations that will allow them to appear to be in such distress that they can account for their inability to earn income for their family by creating absurd stories about abuse as a child. In fact they can use these distress stories as reasons that their spending habits are something out of the ordinary. As long as "hubby" thinks that these stories are in fact true he will continue to work his anger out in the most unusual manner. Thank God my wife has no such stories regarding abuse by any of her family, and she still claims that her family were in many more ways less normal than mine. She thinks that the strictness shown to her family by her parents and their eventual divorce was to blame for her anger, well it sure is a better story than any fictitious story of sexual abuse. I must say that hearing lies from someone who used to be trusted has given me cause to not want that person close to either myself or my wife for a very long time.

I also think that since she has taken it upon herself to express her opinion of me that I will opt to put balances of the Payne Family Trust that I administered from more than 20 years just to show that the liquidity of that entity was at no time in jeopardy until it was turned over to her and in fact grew in substantially through the years with interest and investments through a small timber sale that I conducted in 1996. I am sure any that want can check back and be assured that I plan on doing just as I say.

Also at the same time you are deciding whether to allow your loved one to be cared for by a member of the family or by a care facility please consider what you expect for the quality of life for the loved one will be. Please consider their health at the the time, their financial situation and whether you "TURST" the person you assign the responsibility to care for your loved one with the financial responsibilities it might take to care for that loved one. A recent article in the Claiborne County Progress and online was distressing to me and I am sure to other family members who have the care of an aging loved one on their mind.

Because of a direct statement made to my wife recently by a family member, I am taking the time to put as much of the financial records that were gathered by an entity that my family called "Payne Family Trust" online in hopes that my family can see that for over 20 years the liquidity of that particular Trust was fluid up until it was handed over to another family member just a few months before my mother passed away.

The picture to the left was made of my mother in 1987, about six months after my father died. She had regained much of her strength from operations during 1980 and 1984 that had almost taken her life.

Some of those family members  have been quick to discredit me and my reputation in an effort to gain for themselves either some monetary or moral gain.  People that I trusted and people that, in growing up in rural Claiborne County, had some little part in their spiritual or moral character.  I found the most recent innuendo from a close family member from something that was told to my wife, who has been taking radiation treatments for the last six weeks, and has had no contact with any member of my family during this duration.  I can only surmise that these close family members have again taken it upon themselves to disparage either something in my recent marriage or my actions since getting married over four years ago.  

When my wife and I first moved to Claiborne County in 2004 from Knoxville, my wife began a job in the laundry department of Claiborne County Hospital. She had worked for several years at Shannondale Nursing Home in the Personal and the normal laundry department there. She worked at the hospital for about two years and can attest to the comment above. Her trips to the nursing home facility were not that often but each time she went she noticed things that were not common at the Shannondale facility she worked in Knoxville. One particular occurance that happened frequently was that the facility allowed patients to lay in their feces rather than use briefs as they did at the Shannondale facility. She can explain that to you if you want to email her at amyrinker40@aol.com.

Now, if this is considered by anyone a form of communication I want them to know that it is the only form that I have chosen to take and therefore consider it that.  From those close family members I have heard such falsehoods as either they had no idea that my wife and I were going through a time of distress with her treatment and recovery or that they had no idea I was even married.  If they remember anything about me they will know that my character was formed very early on in life as I know theirs was too, and I consider that the basis for any further contact I will have with them.  

I would discourage anyone that has this unfortunate regard for my ability to continue to shun both myself and my wife, but if on the other hand you come to my web site often and know that my concern both for my parents in the past and my wife in the future were and are genuine, feel free to contact either of us at any time.  
In the mean time I thought that the following article was interesting regarding "Dealing with aging parents'" and the way you choose to do that.   Long live the Freedom of Information Act because it does give me lots to do.